im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
