went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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