He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
