Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
