Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
