New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize