Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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