Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
