Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
