yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
