I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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