We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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