Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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