Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
