rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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