i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
