My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
