I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
