just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
