We're facebook friends in real life
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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