He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
