pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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