Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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