Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
