Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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