screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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