is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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