I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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