Will you blow on my dice?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
