she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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