Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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