I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
