The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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