woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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