Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
