just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need a beard to bite.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
