It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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