Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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