Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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