She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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