So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
