Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
