If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize