They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
