I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
