you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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