that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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