10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
