Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize