So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
