If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
