Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
