Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
