It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
