what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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