Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
