I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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