Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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