just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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