White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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