you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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