He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
