so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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