so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
