So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
