just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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