I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
