He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
