I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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