I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
