Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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