the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
