It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
