I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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