i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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