"it" just moved
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
