Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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