at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I could fuck to npr.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
