Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
