so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
