So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
