Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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