Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ttyl tear gas
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
